CHAPTER 17 – FAITHFUL FRIENDS ARE A STURDY SHELTER
“Anyone without an anamcara (soul-friend) is like a body without a head.”-St. Brigid
While some religious traditions discourage close friendships, the Coworkers of Christ embrace them. These deep, supportive relationships, reminiscent of the Celtic ideal of the “anam cara” – a soul friend – enrich our lives and strengthen our community.
This concept of a soul friend resonates deeply with the values of the Community. It goes beyond mere friendship, representing a profound connection on a spiritual and emotional level. An anam cara is a trusted confidante, a mirror reflecting our strengths and weaknesses, and a companion on our spiritual journey.
Within the Community, these particular friendships can flourish. Shared experiences, a common purpose, and a deep understanding of the consecrated life create fertile ground for such bonds to develop. A soul friend can be a source of unwavering support during times of doubt or difficulty. They can offer honest yet compassionate feedback, challenging us to grow while celebrating our triumphs.
Imagine two Coworkers of Christ, bound by a deep friendship connection. They share their struggles with prayer and discernment, holding each other accountable to the Common Rule. They celebrate milestones together, their joy amplified by the shared experience. In moments of grief or discouragement, they offer a listening ear and a comforting presence, reminding each other of God’s enduring love.
This kind of deep, supportive relationship is not meant to replace the broader Community spirit but rather, complement it. The strength of these particular friendships enriches the entire Community. When individuals feel seen, understood, and supported by a close friend, they are more likely to be open and engaged within the larger group.
However, it’s important to remember that this kind of bond shouldn’t become exclusive. While these deep friendships offer unique support, they shouldn’t create cliques that exclude others. The ideal is for the strength of the soul friend connection to overflow, fostering a more loving and supportive environment for the entire Community.
By embracing the anam cara ideal, the Coworkers of Christ create a space where deep, meaningful friendships can flourish alongside a strong sense of community. These bonds become a powerful source of support, encouraging spiritual growth and a life lived in joyful service to God.
Our core purpose is to build a meaningful “Community of God,” a true family within the Church. This necessarily involves fostering deep connections with our companions. While such profound bonds may arise naturally with some, with others, a more intentional effort is required.
We value love and respect for all, rooted in Christ’s teachings. Through supportive relationships and interdependence, we create a welcoming environment where individuals can grow closer to God. Strong, life-giving friendships are encouraged, as long as they enhance, rather than hinder, a healthy spiritual life.
However, unhealthy attachments or codependent relationships are discouraged. Chapter leaders are entrusted with addressing such situations with care. Members are encouraged to prioritize courtesy, respect, and appropriate boundaries with all relationships.
We celebrate particular friendships within the community, recognizing the profound love they embody. However, we must also be aware of potential pitfalls. Spiritual directors, especially, need to be vigilant against the formation of cliques – exclusive friendships that shut out others. Our hope is that, as a community of mature Christians, we can cultivate the good aspects of deep friendship while avoiding negativity.
- Scriptural Support
. . . the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. 1 Sam. 18:1 (RSV)
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up. Again, if two lie together, they are warm; but how can one be warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken. Eccles. 4:9-12 (RSV)
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Prov. 17:17 (RSV)
Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Prov. 27:17 (RSV)
Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter: whoever finds one has found a treasure. Sir. 6:14 (NRSV)